Super Duper Sized transcript
(an agitated man is at the counter at a fast-food restaurant.) Man: Hey. Server: Welcome to Cave Barn, how may I help you? Man: I asked for hot sauce and I didn't get any of it. (the server hands him hot sauce) Man: I should've got this to begin with. Server: Sorry, couldn't help it since I didn't even take your order. Man: You watch your mouth. Service: I am, I'm just using logic to deflate your ego. Man: But you and everyone else serves the customer, and the customer's always- (the man sees his hot sauce is gone. He turns around and sees a boy drinking it.) Man: Ahem, if you see whoever served me, tell her I owe her an apology. (the man walks away.) Server: Yeah, apology accepted butthole. (intro plays) (we see a teenaged girl, Angel, setting up a camera and approaching a synthesizer.) Angel: You wanna step into my world, it's a social psychotic state of bliss! You wanna live in the real world? How many times have you hit and missed- Dad: WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT PLAYING NINE INCH NAILS!? Angel: Sorry dad! He just doesn't get it. I'm going to be big. (gets closer to the camera.) Now give me a kiss. KISS ME- Oh! (Angel sees Stephy by her door.) Angel: How long have you been there? Stephy: Came at the start of what should've been a bonus track. Angel: Why didn't you say anything? Stephy: I wanted to see how things'd play out. Angel: Poorly. Good enough for you? Stephy: Don't feel bad, sometimes when I'm alone I sing songs by Factory 81. Angel: Yeah, but for all they know you're singing Rage and Tool. Stephy: I'd rather eat spoiled tomatoes. Anyway, I'm heading down to the barn, wanna come? Angel: Sure. I'd love to mock the fat kids. Stephy: You're still doing that? That is weak. Angel: Face it, how else could fat people get the memo to exercise if they think they're doing nothing wrong? Stephy: Whatever. You coming or not? Angel: Well I've peeved my dad enough today, better let him cool off. (the two head out.) (it cuts to the Halloween Kids heading to Cave Barn.) Julie: Oh-ho man! This is long overdue. Sam: Tell me about it, I've been jonesing for a cheeseburger and a thick chocolate shake all day. Jenny: And fries, don't forget the fries. Alison: Nothing makes a weekend like fast food, and health problems that'll half our life expectancies. Jerry: The line's out of control. Alison: IT'LL BE WORTH IT! (Stephy and Angel are walking to Cave Barn, eventually getting to it.) Angel: What a combo. A fast-food joint smack-dab between a convenience store and a tavern. All beneath an overpass. Stephy: I know, isn't it great? When we're in, you get a table, I'll get the food. What would you like? Something ridiculously healthy? Angel: No, a cheeseburger and a small fry would be fine, as long as you're ready for a long jog by the docks. Stephy: You're lucky I have no plans for today. (they go inside. Angel goes to a table and the Halloween Kids approach her.) Alison: Are you kidding me? The biggest booth and you take it? Angel: I didn't see your name on it. (she notices something) Hold up, you guys seem a bit familiar. Heard about you somewhere. Alison: Does Alison Meeks ring a bell? Angel: Kinda. You're friends with Julie Dallow, right? Julie: You rang? Angel: I'm friends with your cousin! Stephy's getting the food. Emily: Dynamite. Can we... Angel: Help yourselves. (the kids enter the booth.) Julie: Never knew Stephy had any friends. What're you about? Angel: Oh, when you see it, you'll get the picture. (sees a fat man digging through the trash.) Hey! Bub the Chub! Got cash to spare, or are you just packing more luggage!? Man: I'm big boned! Colleen: I got the picture alright. (Stephy arrives.) Stephy: I see you guys've met Angel. Alison: Yup, basically she's no angel, but who're we to judge? Sometimes we all need a little harsh criticism. Stephy: Well I'm glad it worked out for you guys. So, what's up? Anything interesting? Colleen: Beyond a hunk tricking us into not bathing so we could be fed to a monster, an evil TV show trying to brainwash viewers and the geriatrics from another planet... nothing compares. Jerry: Nothing's going on. We tried everything to liven up our week, trying to make Jenny angry on the off-chance there's some dormant monster dwelling within her. Jenny: Nothing, though I'm still hoping. Jerry: We also tried mutating Emily and Julie again, but all it did was give them minor effects. (cuts to Julie who's physical mass is slightly bigger. A fly buzzes around Emily. She sticks her tongue out and eats it.) ???: All-right! Angel: Oh no, not now! Alison: What is it? Angel: Don't look ahead. Eat everything! (Angel rapidly scarfs down her food.) Alison: Seriously, what is it? (it cuts to a boy, Reggie, carrying a tray full of food.) Reggie: Aw yeah! Double quadruple cheeseburgers, large onion rings, large fries and two jumble chocolate malt shakes! (stuffs a burger into his face) Super size! (Reggie rapidly eats the food and eyes the table the kids are sitting at. He goes to them.) Colleen: Oh boy. Reggie: You gonna eat that? Alison: Yes, yes we- (Reggie rapidly eats the food.) Alison: Aren't... Reggie: Super sized! (Reggie walks away.) Colleen: So you were warning us about a mooch? Angel: He's my brother... unfortunately. Julie: Sucks to be you. Angel: Tell me about it. You know I try to encourage fat people to lose weight by breaking their spirits, but all he does is gorge on junk and make me look bad! Sam: I take it he's doing it to spite you? Angel: I guess so. Emily: I've lost my appetite. Can we go? Stephy: Gladly. Where to next? Angel: How about the gym? Stephy: Not what I had in mind, but whatever. Alison: Last one there has to lick the doorhandles! Jerry: Can I have a head start? I'm still woozy from the last race. (they all leave the building.) (it cuts to the outside, where a toxic-looking fly lands on a beef patty. A cook flips the patty over, mending the fly with the meat. The meat is prepped into a burger, which is given to Reggie.) Reggie: That's it? Clerk: Sorry pal, if I give you any more we'll get some chump lecturing us on eating healthy. Besides, I think you've already had your fill. Reggie: I could never have enough. (Reggie leaves) (back with the kids, they arrive at the gym.) Angel: I'm gonna go stretch. Alison: You do that, me and the guys, or should I say girls and three guys, are going to see if anything interesting is happening. (They go to find the Perrinos, and do so in the upper level.) Francis: Hey guys, what's up? Alison: Not much. Anything interesting happening? Francis: Not really. Alison: Anything Halloween Kid worthy happening? Francis: Nope. Alison: Ugh. Francis: What's the big deal? You practically have the day off. Alison: I don't want a day off! I'm bored and some mooch ate my lunch! Francis: Reggie? Alison: Wait, it happened to you too? Francis: It's the whole reason we're at the gym. We needed an outlet. Leland: Hey, maybe Reggie could be your next case. The human blob! (everyone laughs.) (back to Stephy and Angel.) Angel: Wanna give something a try? Stephy: Nah, not now. Remember what happened last time? Angel: How could I not? Stephy: Hmph, at least I had a reason. Unlike you, twiggy. Angel: Excuse me? Stephy: What? You didn't notice how little meat you have on your bones? Angel: We'll see about that. Stephy: Arm wrestling? Angel: You're on! (the two arm wrestle, but Stephy's shirt splits in the back during a heated portion and winds up losing.) Stephy: Hey no fair! Angel: Fairness is for losers. Oh, I've gotta go. No doubt my brother's home contending with another stomachache. Stephy: Later. When you're free we'll have ourselves a rematch! (it cuts to Reggie, struggling to button his pants.) Angel: Having a little trouble Reg? Reggie: Shut up! Just a little setback. Angel: Pssh, little. You mooch off of everyone, mooching fast food of all things, and now you're paying the price. Reggie: At least I have something on my bones. Angel: Oh, sorry, I forgot how you confuse fat with bones. Reggie: Hmph, twiggy. (Angel goes to the kitchen, looking for a quick snack. She looks in the fridge and sees a cheeseburger, with a bite already inside of it. Angel picks it up.) Angel: It's wrong but... he ate my lunch so this should even the score. (Angel takes a bite out of the burger.) Angel: Woah, feels like I've just ran a marathon. It's couch time. (Angel sits on the couch and watches TV.) (later at night, Reggie heads for the door. Angel hasn't left the couch.) Angel: Round two? Reggie: Shut up. Angel: Alright, enjoy your heart attack. (the button on Angel's jeans undoes itself.) Angel: What the- These were a perfect fit. (Angel heads to the bathroom to check on it. She tries to re-button it, but her jeans seemingly get tighter.) Angel: Are these shrinking? Because I hope they are... (Angel sees her weight is increasing, and her clothes begin to split. Angel: S-STOP! (she falls and screams.) (at Cave Barn.) Reggie: I said, GIVE ME MY ORDER! Clerk: And I said we don't want a lawsuit! You've already eaten enough! Reggie: And I said there's no such thing as enough, NOW GIVE ME MY SUPERSIZE! (Reggie's weight rapidly grows.) Clerk: Here's your supersize. (everyone laughs. His fat begins to absorb everything close to him.) Customer: Tarnation! This is turning' into Pennsylvania all over again! Clerk: Evacuate! (everyone runs out.) (it cuts back to Angel, who's undergoing a similar fate) Angel: Help me! Somebody! (Angel's fat takes in everything around her.) Angel: Give me a break, will ya!? (Angel gets out of the house and rapidly keeps growing. She's heading for the town.) (meanwhile, at the manor.) Alison: We should hit the gym more often! Colleen: If the jobs stay dry I might take you up on that. (the TV is heard in the background.) Reporter: The supreme court has entered disarray, following the conviction of one of their highest ranking members. He is charged with child grooming and conspiracy and will face a ten year sentence, bail is set at $80,000. Now onto the paranormal. Julie: Here's hope. Reporter: A fat kid has garnered so much mass that he's turning into an absorbent wad of fat. I think I speak for all of us when I say, is this a reference to 1956 or 1998? Alison: Reggie? All: Reggie. Reporter: Now- What? I'm getting an update, two blobs have been identified, and both have been seen heading toward the town. No further developments other than the fact that these kids really need to lose weight. Sam: Wait, I get Reggie but... who's the other one? (it cuts to Stephy who's also watching the news.) Stephy: Could it? No... Let's find out. (Stephy calls her.) Angel: Sorry, I'm not here right now, either because I'm in the shower or have been turned into a monster against my own will. Leave a message. Stephy: Well that delusion was fun while it lasted. I've got to warn the kids! (the blobs pass city hall. Kerry peeps out the window.) Kerry: I'll bet I get blamed for this. (Kadic is seen walking while reading a brochure.) Kadic: Nova Scotia beautiful? Not worth the five grand the artist received for writing such a message. (a blob moves toward him.) Kadic: Holy karma. (Stephy arrives at the manor.) Stephy: Guys! Reggie and Angel turned into blob-like monsters! Alison: We know. Stephy: Well... good. Coleen: But we're dry on ideas. Stephy: Figures. Alison: Unless you're welcome to a height increase. Stephy: No. Alison: Figures. (back to the blobs, they're rolling on people.)